Renovation Psychology®
Advice for the Home Team Toolbox
Dear Dr. Debi,
How can I get my teens involved in our projects? All they do is play
loud music!
Signed, Off Beat Parents
Dear Melody Managers,
It might seem like the
kids are way off track, but they may actually have something to offer in
their prominent occupation. All it will take for you is asking and an
open mind.
The young people who are so involved in their music may have very strong
opinions about what should be filling the air, but may have not thought
much about how it affects the people who listen. A great opportunity to
involve them in such a lesson is to ask them to assemble some music for
your project workday.
You might recoil at this suggestion, imagining that you would be
subjected to fierce assaults on your eardrums. But, since your kids are
such music experts, you might consider paying them to develop a mix just
for your work.
Wincing still? I imagine so, but the business relationship you establish
will give you the opening to discuss and explore the musical choices and
their motivational impact, as well as considerations for taste and age.
Hummm? Wonder if you can get there from here? Well, it can start at any
time, and address any level of maturation. How about, pay them $5 for
coming up with a 90 minute mix for you. Then tell them they will get a
bonus of $10 if you like it enough to listen to the whole thing while
you work. And, another several dollars bonus if it makes the work go
easier for the workers.
They will strive for all three. Is it worth that to you? For the price
of a can of paint, you can involve them in the project, and engage them
in a lesson about music and motivation, with a dash of human
consideration in the mix. Sounds like a good thing to me; think – how
much to you shell out for them to go to the movies?
You can ask them to come and observe the work to gauge the impact of
their efforts. This will give them a chance to see work in action, and
notice the pace and productivity. They will even be rooting for the Home
Team to accomplish the tasks, as this will improve their profit.
As
they observe, they will likely have critiques and questions about the
work, why things are done in certain ways, and suggestions for faster
work. They may say you should skip over important underlayments and
fortifications, but this gives you a chance to explain how things are
made, the structures behind what we see in our homes, and an
appreciation for careful thought and follow through.
You might get them curious enough to want to do some of the project with
you. This can happen also as they complain that you are not working fast
enough (for their profitability). You can ask them to try out the moves
they suggest could go faster, with their music mix versus a tune you
choose. I would suggest you make it a big contrast, with slow deep music
of an old fashioned style to make it more dramatic.
As
you talk about the variations of music and their impact on your work
pace, you can be specific about the rhythm, beat, and vocals, and how
they assist your swing, or hamper your concentration. Be sure to point
out some aspects of their music that you like, and how it helps certain
tasks.
If
you want to poke some fun, be sure to be the butt of your own jokes. They
won’t appreciate you slamming their taste under these circumstances. But
they will enjoy the opportunity to level the field through laughter with
you.
This all takes an open frame of mind for you, too, so stretch yourself
in preparation. Your flexibility in considering their music will show;
your kids know you usually turn your nose up at it. Your open welcome to
their music is a good role model for them, as you expect them in turn to
consider the value of the project’s work.
If
all the music on the mix is harsh, loud and destructive, chat about it.
Imagine in your mind what tasks this would suit. Likely such music could
complement demolishing a wall or disposing of debris. Ok. Talk that over
with them; offer to use the CD when you do that job (and pay for it).
But ask them to remix a piece to go with the job you planned – perhaps
painting or framing. No insults, just finding the appropriate place for
each type of expression.
A
little stretching of their musical choices, with kind encouragement and
the enticement of profit, works great with teen-agers. And kids – this
works well to train parents, too, so go along with it. Improved harmony
and respect are likely outcomes.
At
the end of the day, parents may have rusty ears from the unfamiliar
“music,” but you will have more understanding with your kids and may
have helped them understand their impact on others and music’s impact on
them.
Not a bad day’s work. Another lesson for the Home Team, as you grow with
them along the way. Happy Home Team!
Dr.
Debi
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